The thing is that you learn from those awful experiences some of the great lessons that will shape your future.

That brings me to marriage  (awful segway, I know).  Being married and in a great marriage at that has led me to reflect back on some things that sucked and the valuable lessons I learned from them.  I wanted to share with you 5 of those awesome sucky lessons.

1) Be careful what you say; your words are boomerangs with razor blades attached.

This one time I complained about L leaving her socks in the middle of the floor like Cambodian land mines.  Two weeks later, I get socks thrown in my face that she found under the couch and in the cusihons.  My old, crusty, fermented socks that had been composting for 2 weeks.  Thrown.  In my face!  I have yet to complain about her socks being anywhere.

2) Fighting is not what couples do.  It’s what unhappy couples do.

I didn’t realize until after me and L were together just how crazy it is to be fighting with someone you like or love or don’t even care about for that matter.  Me and L have disagreements all of the time, but we talk about it and it goes so much better.  This is much easier to say than it is to do and it takes practice and awareness of each others feelings and the effect of your words.

I wouldn’t have gotten to this point if I hadn’t been in a few explosive relationships in the past.  I have seen things get so bad that after 15 minutes of fighting, I could barely remember why I was so upset in the first place.  I just became a focus on getting the other person to stop yelling louder than me.  The only way to do that is the yell louder and say hurtful things.  See point #1 as to why this is never a good idea!

After all is said and done and the fog has cleared from the graveyard, the bones of bad words will haunt the relationship forever.   (creepy I know).  So I learned after lots of experimentation and apologies and waiting for apologies and demanding apologies that led to more fights about not respecting my need for an apology that was apparently unnecessary, THAT…it doesn’t have to be that way.  It shouldn’t be that way.

3) Remember how to “play cars”

Remember when you were a kid and the silliest things provided endless fun?  My nephew (He’s 5 now as he will proudly exclaim) wants me to do nothing else with him except play cars.  At one point, playing cars was simple.  It made sense to me and I could probably be happy doing nothing else except play cars too!  But now, life is vastly more complicated.  But why?  I was the type of kid who never got bored!

Even being the only child in my house from aged 7 on, I was never bored.  I’d throw the ball to myself, kick the ball to myself, hit the ball to myself. It didn’t matter!  Even as a college “kid” (I am starting to feel old) or a post grad, I was never bored.  I was being social and doing social things with social people.  Then I got married.

Boredom hit me fast and hard.  It wasn’t because I couldn’t find things to do. Heck, if anything, my wife found more things for me to do than I could ever tackle!  It was because things seemingly got exponentially more complicated.  I forgot how to just “play cars”.  So recently I took up a new hobby.  Golf!

Yes it’s expensive and extremely difficult, but it’s my “playing cars”.  It’s something I can just go be by myself and do.  If my wife wants to come along it makes it better!  If my buddies want to play it makes it better!  But alone it’s just as great.  It’s the adult form of “playing cars!”

4) Get it off your chest!

L has this thing where she randomly will say “Confession…” before she wants to say something that may be unexpected, embarrassing, slightly condescending, or just plain cute.  No matter the reasoning for her moment of candidness, I listen to her and take whatever she says seriously.  Sometimes it leads to a truly tearful confession and most of the time it’s just a silly little thing that she doesn’t feel entirely comfortable just coming out and saying.

I have to be honest, I love it when she has these moments of confession because it makes it OK for her to feel vulnerable and she knows that I am not going to judge her for whatever she may say next.  I know that L likes to talk in the car or when we are laying in bed at night with the lights completely off so I try to pick those times to ask her about something that she may not feel completely comfortable talking about at 2 pm on a Tuesday while we are both at work.

L knows that I feel more at ease on Fridays after I’ve had my weekend sip of whatever delicious gin concoction I have brewed up.  We usually have some of our most poignant discussions on Friday nights while just relaxing and watching a bad movie.  A friend told me a few months ago that the method that works best for he and his wife is to text their arguments or discussions.  They will go in different rooms and just text each other.  At first I thought it was crazy but it makes sense.  It takes all of the snide remarks and passive-aggressive comments and body language out of it.

By whatever means you find it necessary to spill your guts to your significant other, do it.  It’s worth it in the end to know that you can speak your mind and be heard and it makes it much easier to do the same when your partner is begging to expose their feelings.  Communication is key!  Any time me and L hold back … it never turns out well!

5) Dream together.  Who knows, maybe you’ll actually make them come true!

When I met L, I didn’t think that I would have a house, family, great job, and a happy life in general before age 30.  We talked about some things and kinda hinted that we wanted some things, but I don’t think either of us really believed that we could have or deserved the things we talked about.  That was until we really started taking what the other said and turning these dreams into a real life.

L expressed that she wanted to eventually be a stay at home mom.  I joked and said that I’d never make enough money and that I’d be working forever, then one day we started talking about her having her own business.  That little dream/joke turned into her having her own successful Mary Kay business which has surprised me with how well it has taken off in just a year!  The best part is that I cautiously supported her every step of the way.  It has been an awesome but trying to say the least.

Then we talked about getting a house.  We dreamed about it.  We made a smart reasonable plan and then things worked out to happen way faster than we had every planned for them to. Needless to say our big dreams came true. If we had never taken the time and faith to dream, who knows where we’d be.  Probably nowhere near where we are today!

Sometimes a dream turnes into a maybe which formulates itself into a plan.  Suddenly a plan is now an accomplishment which is now a celebration!

I stand there in the mall, leaning on the pole with all the weight of my nervous anticipation that the concrete column could bear.  My normally able legs tremble with every heel click coming from around the corner.  The corner that I know will present you in only a matter of time.  The corner that will deliver months of hidden smiles and hopeful conversations.  

I wonder if you will see me or my detonated heart first.  Only my rib cage holding it back from exploding.  My cloak of confidence could be snatched away at the first sight if I dont maintain my composure.  So I unbutton another button on my polo.  That should distract you slightly, I think.  I suddenly find it funny that I choose to hide my apprehension with a distracting display of false confidence.

I have no clue what I am nervous about or what I am thinking about so I try to shut my mind off, but only long enough to hear another set of heels clicking from down the hidden mall corridor.  My fingers find themselves re-buttoning my shirt to regain modesty as my legs begin to boil with exhaustive energy.  

I check my watch.  It’s still early.  I don’t know you well, but I know you wont be late.  And for some reason, this makes me glad that I am here early.  In fact, I think to myself that you’ve probably been sitting in your car for the last 10 minutes, planning your escape route in case I’m not who I said I am.  Or perhaps you’re watching me right now.   

I covertly look around for someone who may resemble what I think you’d look like.  I see an old lady with her grandson looking at books in the bookstore across the hall.  A young girl typing away on her cell phone outside of the restaurant.  Another gentleman nervously bouncing his leg as he waits for someone.

Just as I start to explode with anxiety, I see them. A couple; Holding hands and walking towards the baby store.  One day that will be me.  Us perhaps. Except for the holding hands and walking towards a baby store part.  But I can see myself with someone else. Walking. As a couple.  That’s why I’m here, right?  I turn back to the man sitting on the couch waiting for someone.  He gets up and walks into the bar alone.  Maybe he isn’t waiting for someone. That could be me also if I’m not careful.

Just as I start to relax I hear the sound of heels again and my stomach drops to my knees before springing back up to my chin.  I tune in to the sound from around the corner and try not to stare too hard at it from the corner of my eye.  I can’t see you yet but I know its you because your aura precedes you.

Like fanfare, your heels announce comfort and an allure that’s been missing for years.  Spine melting giggles and a staggering smile are all that I will be blinded by for the next three hours.  The rest of my senses will be puppeted by your presence.  I have no clue what I am in for but your hypnotic glow will erase all doubts along with the memory of their presence.  

Like a flash of lightning your smile disarms me of any diffidence and show me the answer to any dismay. As you get closer and your hazel eyes welcome me to paradise, my mind goes blank and I peel myself from the precarious spot against the pole.  Your smile knocks my confidence askew and I freeze trying to speak.  The closer you get, the less I can remember, the more I lose consciousness of, and the greater my stability sways. Suddenly you sing me your name and my mind goes numb.  

But I know I will never be the same.

FIrst off, let me explain the argument.  I have this thing where I like to walk on the side of L that is closest to the danger zone! In this case, the street is the danger zone as we walk down the sidewalk.  On the other side of L is some harmless woods and a field in this particular case.  Nothing dangerous except for a dead carcass or two. And maybe a fox or a bear.  I don’t know.  I try not think about those things.

Anyways, we are walking and she says, “I like how you like to walk on the inside/outside of me”  and I say, “Wait, i’m not on the inside/outside, I’m on the outside/inside.”  I can’t exactly say which word I used and which one she used because that would be unfair in judging the winner.

BTW, I just randomly selected one to go first and then switched them for the other person.  Don’t get too technical about my typing out the scenario, Inspector Gadget

This boggles my mind! So,  I decided to diagram the situation!

As you can now clearly see,  I am on the _______, where she is on the _______.  What do you think?!  Be sure to send this to your friends! The more votes the better!! Also, feel free to comment to explain yourself.

… well ALMOST all of them.  It turns out that L’s count of 20 handles (based on her mental image of our kitchen) was 4 handles off.  We needed 24.  But that’s neither here nor there.  What’s really important is the two emails that I got the other day.

Wednesday morning I sent her a simply text saying “If u have time send me a pic of how u want the handles on the cabs and drawers.”

Cabinets

"Drawers"

So instead, I am now able to hang it right outside so I only have to peak outside of the door to grab it then slam the shower door shut.

Best 5 minutes I have spent since we moved in.

Out of the kitchen and into the living room

into THIS!

So I removed all of the hardware from the cabinets and cabinet doors (I only lost one screw in the process).  I bought a fresh can of BIN Shellac Primer and a brand new Black & Decker random orbital sander and got to work!

So there I was, on the floor of my basement with a bunch of paper unrolled and a bunch of sanded wood.  I got my paint roller and my spray cans and i’m ready to go.  Then I have this realization that I have NO CLUE WHAT I AM DOING!

Of course, me being the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type, I just start painting!

I did take a quick break for a Monster energy drink though.  I was briefly, highly addicted to them. I am trying to ween myself off of them now and am incurring daily caffeine headaches because of it though.

I sanded all of the grime, wood stain, and lacquer off of the cabinets to get down to the base wood.  Our cabinets aren’t of the highest quality so I had to be careful about how I sanded.  I didn’t want to chip anything.  If you plan on doing this, I highly suggest that you buy a mask and goggles for sanding and possibly some ear plugs as it is really loud.  I also would suggest the sanding sponges for the intricate crevices of the cabinet.

I used both a spray paint primer and a roller primer and I would  suggest going with the spray paint if you can afford it!  It was easier to get into the cracks and edges and whatnot with the spray paint and it was also quicker to apply and dry.  The spray paint cans covered about 3 full cabinets (front and back) or 6 sides of a cabinet if you do all fronts at a time which is what I did.

I figured out that you had to move the paint can in a very smooth, even motion and I was doing this under my deck since I don’t have a garage.  When it got windy, it was VERY difficult to get even coats.  I would highly suggest doing it indoors if you have a well ventilated area and don’t mind getting paint dust on EVERYTHING.

Back to me!  Once I got painting on the doors, I couldn’t stop!  It was like I was possessed!  Check out the process in the gallery below!

After that was all said and done, I left for the night and returned a couple days later.  I will take pictures tomorrow of the final product to share with you.  BTW, I just want to say sorry for the terrible photos.  I am not familiar with my camera at all yet and I am still trying to get used to the settings.  I realized halfway through taking the pictures that I had it on some funky setting.  I tried to alter the photos with my photo editing software, but I am an amateur at that as well.

Please, forgive G!

I wanted to share a few pictures (FINALLY!)

First off, let me make a couple excuses as to why it has taken me a couple months to do so.  My 2nd TV/Computer monitor broke.  My Laptop doesn’t have a screen so I needed to set up my desk/old monitor.  Then i tried to upload the pictures three times and it didn’t work!  So my TV is now fixed and I am displaying the few pictures of the house that I took before we painted the entire thing.  Unfortunately, I didn’t take pics of the upstairs so this is just the main level and Man Cave..

Ok anyways,  On to the next random thought of mine.  My OUR house!  Take a peak at some pictures of the place (I almost said crib, but then I didn’t want anyone to take that as a subtle hint that we were having a kid…because we aren’t)

If you click on a pic, you can cycle through them all in a cool little thing.

After I fixed my computer, my new 32″ LDC TV started flickering and cutting off and on sporadically.  So I called Toshiba and they are sending someone out to replace the mainboard.  I gotta say Toshiba support is SO GOOD!  It’s obvious that they outsource it to another country oversees , but they don’t mess around.  The person you talk to initially, is the person you hang up with.  None of this American, “let me transfer you to someone who can’t help you” phone tag garbage!  VERIZON!

So, with that being said, I always say I am going to get back into writing and posting and then….a million and one things come up and I don’t get around to actually doing it.  I am good at this.  Some call it scatterbrained, others call it ADD, I call it my life! But I really want to get back into writing and posting again.  It’s my circle of sanity

In the past month I feel like we have bought out the the entire state of Virginia trying to furnish our house home and it still isn’t completely furnished!  Ugh!  This is what being an adult homeowner is all about huh?

I have really really been into remodeling blogs lately and I know that seems pretty girly probably, but I don’t care!  I have extremely manly sides to balance everything out! For example, for Christmas my awesome in-(Santa C)laws bought me THIS!

A reciprocating saw which I promptly used to cute shelves for L! It’s so AWESOME!

I also got THIS from my genius wife/Santa Clausette!

I haven’t used this yet, but I have a few projects in mind. I will explain them in a later post though.  L thinks I am completely crazy but…she supports me so I have love her for that alone!!  For now,  This is all you get!

I am working on a new years resolution post that I will probably put out on New Years Day!

Up until the move day, I had never used movers and had never seen them in action.  If you haven’t either, I highly recommend you hire some and watch them work their magic!

Anyways….back to the real spectacle.  L labled about 40 boxes “Kitchen”  I was thinking that there’s NO WAY that all these can go in the kitchen.   I mean, look at this!

This isn't so bad right?

There can’t be that many boxes there right??

Wow...This is a lot of boxes!

So…here’s my thing.  I don’t understand how all of these boxes fit into the kitchen.  You’d think that Food Network was sponsoring our kitchen.  Let me tell you…they are not.  I am sponsoring our kitchen.  Along with PNC Bank by way of my paychecks.

I sure can’t wait for some of the best meals my stomach has ever experienced in our new kitchen!

Anyways…PIcs are coming soon! Sorry I have not posted any yet really. L didn’t even want me to take any of the house in its current state, so I made the executive decision to not test her by posting pictures.

Therefore….we all must wait.